My year of transition, my year of chaos.
A number of things have been going on in my life starting before I had my operation and going through just a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't spoken about them because if things fell through it wouldn't have changed anything so I wanted things to be taken care of before I talked about them.
My stbew had been trying to sell her house for a number of months and was getting no real offers. I will not go into the way the house was exclusively in her name. Suffice it to say that was the way it worked out. I had taken some of my possessions from the house and put them in storage. Eventually I had to take all the rest of my stuff and put it in storage.
Since she had not sold the house, I put forth the idea of having her sell the house to me. I could take my stuff out of storage, and I'd be nearer my family and I know the house pretty well having lived there for well over twelve years. She tentatively agreed and we discussed what could be done.
I decided to see if I could qualify for a mortgage. I really didn't think it would go anywhere but I was willing to find out.
Well my first few calls to a broker were actually good. They thought I could qualify for the amount I was looking for. It was interesting in that I had to explain to them that my social security number was the same but my name had changed as well as my gender. They were not particularly disturbed by it, just as long as they could track my finances going back. I also had to send them a copy of my judgment when I had my name changed. From that point on they had no problems and always referred to me as Sandra.
I was getting that positive information, but I was still not sure if I could finish the qualification. But just after I started the process someone came and offered earnest money for the house and had a prequalified loan ready to go. I rescinded my offer so the other offer could go through. She could get the house sold quicker with that offer than anything I could do and would get a lot closer to her asking price.
I still wanted to proceed with my loan. Now that I was in the early stages of acceptance I wanted to pursue getting a mortgage. The cost of keeping my things in storage was a severe cash drain which could be better used toward a mortgage payment, at least tax-wise.
I got the pre-qualifications for the mortgage and contacted a realtor to look at houses. I looked at a dozen or more houses before I found one that really looked good, was in good condition, and felt "right".
I put a bid on the house and while there were other bids, mine was accepted. (yay!).
I engaged a lawyer to represent me. This lawyer knew of me and had no problem representing me. His statement was that what I was going through was a medical condition and that is private information and was of no business to the seller or agent. That was nice.
We went through the negotiations process with the realtor and the seller. At this time no one other than the mortgage company and my lawyer knew of my past. To the realtor and the seller, I was just another single woman buying a house. Since my past wasn't germane to the issue of buying a house, it never came up.
Finally after all the tedium that has to occur before a mortgage is approved, I finally get a closing date for my new home!
Going through a house closing where you are the buyer is every bit as intimidating as signing a contract in blood. In fact I think I may have... My lawyer made sure that I understood every nuance of the contract that I was signing (and initialing all sixteen pages). All good information, but it is intimidating knowing that the bank will be my closest friend for the next thirty YEARS!
But when I left the closing, I knew it was my name on the title to the house, and the mortgage. I'm really a woman in society now.
Once I had gotten the final approval for the mortgage, I started contacting the utilities companies and arranging to have my services turned on for my new residence. This is where it is interesting from a transsexual’s point of view. Every utility company I had to deal with, I had an account in my old life. They would ask for my social security number and I would explain that the old name they had was in fact me and that my new name, and gender, was current. In every instance there would be a pause of a couple of seconds as they absorbed the information then they would say: "Yes Ms, (lastname)! Would you like your account to be listed with your current name?" To which I would reply "yes."
Apparently it may not be all that unusual for a transsexual to have contacted a utility before, and really, they don't care who's listed on the account as long as it gets paid.
About a day after closing, and with the great assistance of my family and friends, I moved into my new house. What my neighbors saw is a single woman moving into her new house. Moving in, of course is only the first step. Now I have to unpack all those bloody boxes! And also go about making the house into a home. I've put up a few pictures, but I need more design help. I also got two new kittens who are a couple of lunatics. Tessa and Patty are their names. They run around almost constantly and when they aren't in motion they are asleep. And they are mommy's little girls to be sure. Whenever they want to take a nap, they'll climb up in my lap and go to sleep. It makes getting things done a little difficult. It's amazing how two little kittens can hold down a full grown adult woman like that.
Moving out of Julies house was an especially heartbreaking time for me. We're still good friends and we still talk and get together, but I'll miss our hour’s long chats. And I'll miss her invaluable, thoughtful, and tactful advice about fashion ("Those shoes are TRAGIC!"). Though I'm sure I can get an opinion just about anytime... Thanks, Julie, for everything! You provided the fertile soil so this seed could grow. And when I find that first wig I wore when we first met, I'll have it bronzed and sent to you! (late update. I found the wig!)
Much of this happened before my operation and had to be suspended while I was in recovery. So there was a period of about three weeks where my real estate agent didn't see me. She new I was going to have an operation but I didn't say what. When we met following my recovery, she never said anything about how I looked. Either she kept her thoughts to herself or she really didn't notice the difference between my old face and my new face. It could have gone either way. I think she sees many people during a week and may have only recalled the vaguest idea of what I looked like.
A couple of weeks after I moved in, I had to mow the lawn. It was an interesting time. I finally got to meet my neighbors and chat with them. It’s a very nice neighborhood and the people here are very friendly. But I will say that mowing a lawn in ninety-degree weather while wearing a wig is very warm work indeed!
What has been interesting in this whole process is that I simply expected society to treat me as the person I am, and it has. I have committed to this life, I have gone through the legal process to change my name and gender to the extent that I can, given that I'm pre-op. And I have been simply matter-of-fact about who I am when it has been necessary. And as a result the responses I have received have also been matter-of-fact.
As I've said before, I don't wear a sign around my neck that says "TRANSEXUAL!" but I will not hide it if it becomes necessary. I would prefer that my neighbors always see me as nothing more than a single woman. So in that respect I prefer to be stealth. Though I do know that my secret may eventually become known. Especially since my kids still call me Dad. I'd prefer being called Sandy, but old habits die hard.
As I started my transition I could not see anything beyond becoming myself. I had no idea what life would really be like as a woman in society. Now I am finding out. It's WONDERFUL!
-Sandy(hand me that next box, ok?)
A number of things have been going on in my life starting before I had my operation and going through just a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't spoken about them because if things fell through it wouldn't have changed anything so I wanted things to be taken care of before I talked about them.
My stbew had been trying to sell her house for a number of months and was getting no real offers. I will not go into the way the house was exclusively in her name. Suffice it to say that was the way it worked out. I had taken some of my possessions from the house and put them in storage. Eventually I had to take all the rest of my stuff and put it in storage.
Since she had not sold the house, I put forth the idea of having her sell the house to me. I could take my stuff out of storage, and I'd be nearer my family and I know the house pretty well having lived there for well over twelve years. She tentatively agreed and we discussed what could be done.
I decided to see if I could qualify for a mortgage. I really didn't think it would go anywhere but I was willing to find out.
Well my first few calls to a broker were actually good. They thought I could qualify for the amount I was looking for. It was interesting in that I had to explain to them that my social security number was the same but my name had changed as well as my gender. They were not particularly disturbed by it, just as long as they could track my finances going back. I also had to send them a copy of my judgment when I had my name changed. From that point on they had no problems and always referred to me as Sandra.
I was getting that positive information, but I was still not sure if I could finish the qualification. But just after I started the process someone came and offered earnest money for the house and had a prequalified loan ready to go. I rescinded my offer so the other offer could go through. She could get the house sold quicker with that offer than anything I could do and would get a lot closer to her asking price.
I still wanted to proceed with my loan. Now that I was in the early stages of acceptance I wanted to pursue getting a mortgage. The cost of keeping my things in storage was a severe cash drain which could be better used toward a mortgage payment, at least tax-wise.
I got the pre-qualifications for the mortgage and contacted a realtor to look at houses. I looked at a dozen or more houses before I found one that really looked good, was in good condition, and felt "right".
I put a bid on the house and while there were other bids, mine was accepted. (yay!).
I engaged a lawyer to represent me. This lawyer knew of me and had no problem representing me. His statement was that what I was going through was a medical condition and that is private information and was of no business to the seller or agent. That was nice.
We went through the negotiations process with the realtor and the seller. At this time no one other than the mortgage company and my lawyer knew of my past. To the realtor and the seller, I was just another single woman buying a house. Since my past wasn't germane to the issue of buying a house, it never came up.
Finally after all the tedium that has to occur before a mortgage is approved, I finally get a closing date for my new home!
Going through a house closing where you are the buyer is every bit as intimidating as signing a contract in blood. In fact I think I may have... My lawyer made sure that I understood every nuance of the contract that I was signing (and initialing all sixteen pages). All good information, but it is intimidating knowing that the bank will be my closest friend for the next thirty YEARS!
But when I left the closing, I knew it was my name on the title to the house, and the mortgage. I'm really a woman in society now.
Once I had gotten the final approval for the mortgage, I started contacting the utilities companies and arranging to have my services turned on for my new residence. This is where it is interesting from a transsexual’s point of view. Every utility company I had to deal with, I had an account in my old life. They would ask for my social security number and I would explain that the old name they had was in fact me and that my new name, and gender, was current. In every instance there would be a pause of a couple of seconds as they absorbed the information then they would say: "Yes Ms, (lastname)! Would you like your account to be listed with your current name?" To which I would reply "yes."
Apparently it may not be all that unusual for a transsexual to have contacted a utility before, and really, they don't care who's listed on the account as long as it gets paid.
About a day after closing, and with the great assistance of my family and friends, I moved into my new house. What my neighbors saw is a single woman moving into her new house. Moving in, of course is only the first step. Now I have to unpack all those bloody boxes! And also go about making the house into a home. I've put up a few pictures, but I need more design help. I also got two new kittens who are a couple of lunatics. Tessa and Patty are their names. They run around almost constantly and when they aren't in motion they are asleep. And they are mommy's little girls to be sure. Whenever they want to take a nap, they'll climb up in my lap and go to sleep. It makes getting things done a little difficult. It's amazing how two little kittens can hold down a full grown adult woman like that.
Moving out of Julies house was an especially heartbreaking time for me. We're still good friends and we still talk and get together, but I'll miss our hour’s long chats. And I'll miss her invaluable, thoughtful, and tactful advice about fashion ("Those shoes are TRAGIC!"). Though I'm sure I can get an opinion just about anytime... Thanks, Julie, for everything! You provided the fertile soil so this seed could grow. And when I find that first wig I wore when we first met, I'll have it bronzed and sent to you! (late update. I found the wig!)
Much of this happened before my operation and had to be suspended while I was in recovery. So there was a period of about three weeks where my real estate agent didn't see me. She new I was going to have an operation but I didn't say what. When we met following my recovery, she never said anything about how I looked. Either she kept her thoughts to herself or she really didn't notice the difference between my old face and my new face. It could have gone either way. I think she sees many people during a week and may have only recalled the vaguest idea of what I looked like.
A couple of weeks after I moved in, I had to mow the lawn. It was an interesting time. I finally got to meet my neighbors and chat with them. It’s a very nice neighborhood and the people here are very friendly. But I will say that mowing a lawn in ninety-degree weather while wearing a wig is very warm work indeed!
What has been interesting in this whole process is that I simply expected society to treat me as the person I am, and it has. I have committed to this life, I have gone through the legal process to change my name and gender to the extent that I can, given that I'm pre-op. And I have been simply matter-of-fact about who I am when it has been necessary. And as a result the responses I have received have also been matter-of-fact.
As I've said before, I don't wear a sign around my neck that says "TRANSEXUAL!" but I will not hide it if it becomes necessary. I would prefer that my neighbors always see me as nothing more than a single woman. So in that respect I prefer to be stealth. Though I do know that my secret may eventually become known. Especially since my kids still call me Dad. I'd prefer being called Sandy, but old habits die hard.
As I started my transition I could not see anything beyond becoming myself. I had no idea what life would really be like as a woman in society. Now I am finding out. It's WONDERFUL!
-Sandy(hand me that next box, ok?)
