I wanted to come up with a title that was a little bit more interesting, but I really couldn't come up with any ideas. Though it does make me think that with a title like that, it ought to be an article in a Readers Digest...
As part of my process of transition I have been contemplating having a bilateral orchiectomy. At my last appointment with my doctor I discussed the advantages of having it done now rather than at the time of SRS.
The physical part of the process will allow me to reduce the amount of spironolactone that I take dramatically. I had originally thought that I could eliminate it all together, but, according to my doctor, I'll need to suppress the testosterone produced by my adrenal glands as well so I'll be taking it for that.
The other part is psychological. It gives me a great deal of psychological comfort not to be burdened with this primary sign of masculinity any longer. I don't despise my genitalia, it has given me much joy over the years, I just view it as raw material to be used to correct this severe birth defect I have been afflicted with. But my testes no longer serve any useful purpose in my life and I feel better off without them. I know that the conventional wisdom has it that you should not have an orchiectomy prior to SRS as there could be so much shrinkage of scrotal tissue as to make it difficult to have enough tissue for the labiaplasty. Though from what I've read and been told, I have had significant shrinkage already from the spironolactone causing my testes to atrophy in the first place. Also if you look at the Trinidad sight there is mention of prior orchiectomies not being a problem and not really reducing the cost of SRS at all. It would be different if I were an early onset transsexual.
My surgery is scheduled for this Thursday. I've been told that I'll be laid up for about a week and be in some post operative discomfort. But it should pass, hopefully soon! There are all the jokes about pets and getting fixed that have gone through my mind. But I am a bit more serious about that right now and I don't feel like being flip. Any surgery should be reviewed with all seriousness so I am not the jovial woman you've come to know. I've started taking some irreversible steps in my life to be a woman in society. But up to now there was always that little voice in the back of my head that said if I really wanted to, I could go back. Though you could probably use a stopwatch to measure how fast I would go into depression. This is my first surgically irreversible step. And just like when I went full time, I'm having just a little bit of C.L.O.D. This is really *really* REALLY irreversible! And the "ARE YOU SURE?" button is solidly lit up in my mind. And yes, I keep pressing the "YES DO IT!" button.
Julie thinks I'm just a little bit 'round the bend. From her practical standpoint, she asks why incur that extra expense and time off when it will be taken care of by SRS?
Her dog Baron keeps looking at me and getting the look on his face like: "Hey they did that to me without my consent. You're going to get yours cut off intensionally? What are you nuts?!?!"
Then he bends down and licks himself and looks at me again with a look that says "Even if you do, you *still* won't be able to do THAT!"
Alright serious time is over jovial woman is back!!!
I'll be making additional entries post operatively.
And please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you.
-Sandy
As part of my process of transition I have been contemplating having a bilateral orchiectomy. At my last appointment with my doctor I discussed the advantages of having it done now rather than at the time of SRS.
The physical part of the process will allow me to reduce the amount of spironolactone that I take dramatically. I had originally thought that I could eliminate it all together, but, according to my doctor, I'll need to suppress the testosterone produced by my adrenal glands as well so I'll be taking it for that.
The other part is psychological. It gives me a great deal of psychological comfort not to be burdened with this primary sign of masculinity any longer. I don't despise my genitalia, it has given me much joy over the years, I just view it as raw material to be used to correct this severe birth defect I have been afflicted with. But my testes no longer serve any useful purpose in my life and I feel better off without them. I know that the conventional wisdom has it that you should not have an orchiectomy prior to SRS as there could be so much shrinkage of scrotal tissue as to make it difficult to have enough tissue for the labiaplasty. Though from what I've read and been told, I have had significant shrinkage already from the spironolactone causing my testes to atrophy in the first place. Also if you look at the Trinidad sight there is mention of prior orchiectomies not being a problem and not really reducing the cost of SRS at all. It would be different if I were an early onset transsexual.
My surgery is scheduled for this Thursday. I've been told that I'll be laid up for about a week and be in some post operative discomfort. But it should pass, hopefully soon! There are all the jokes about pets and getting fixed that have gone through my mind. But I am a bit more serious about that right now and I don't feel like being flip. Any surgery should be reviewed with all seriousness so I am not the jovial woman you've come to know. I've started taking some irreversible steps in my life to be a woman in society. But up to now there was always that little voice in the back of my head that said if I really wanted to, I could go back. Though you could probably use a stopwatch to measure how fast I would go into depression. This is my first surgically irreversible step. And just like when I went full time, I'm having just a little bit of C.L.O.D. This is really *really* REALLY irreversible! And the "ARE YOU SURE?" button is solidly lit up in my mind. And yes, I keep pressing the "YES DO IT!" button.
Julie thinks I'm just a little bit 'round the bend. From her practical standpoint, she asks why incur that extra expense and time off when it will be taken care of by SRS?
Her dog Baron keeps looking at me and getting the look on his face like: "Hey they did that to me without my consent. You're going to get yours cut off intensionally? What are you nuts?!?!"
Then he bends down and licks himself and looks at me again with a look that says "Even if you do, you *still* won't be able to do THAT!"
Alright serious time is over jovial woman is back!!!
I'll be making additional entries post operatively.
And please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you.
-Sandy
_____________________________________________
It's 3:00 in the afternoon on Wednesday, tomorrow morning is my operation, and I'm getting nervous as hell!
I just got the phone call from the hospital saying that I must report to the same-day surgery center at 06:00. I have to be NPO after midnight. I had arranged to be driven to the hospital by my daughter, but it is much earlier than we had planned. She has to drive from the south suburbs of Chicago to the west suburbs to get me, then we have to go to the north side of Chi to get to the hospital. Sheesh! I've put a call into her, but haven't gotten a call back as yet.
If worse comes to worse, I guess I could drive myself up there and have my daughter and son-in-law take me back and drive my car back too.
Like I said, I'm getting nervous. I knew I should have saved some of those Valiums for me instead of giving all of them to Julie.
BTW: Julie is a day worker and really can't break away to drop me off, so don't get down on her, OK?
BTW:BTW: For those of you satirically challenged, neither Julie nor myself use recreational drugs. It's a joke! Get it?
Anyway, I figure that from the early arrival time, I may be one of the first to go. Which is good, less time to worry. And I don't even know what to worry about! I want this operation, I'm not afraid of being operated on (I've had operations before), so I don't know what the heck is going on in my head. I'm sure Julie will have a way of settling my butt down. I just want it to be over.
This morning I asked Julie if she wanted to get a call from my daughter when the operation was done. She just replied: "Why? The vet didn't call when Baron was done..." She has such a way to make me smile/laugh/guffaw.
One of the questions the surgeon asked me was whether or not I wanted my scrotum removed as a part of the operation. I replied that I wanted it left in place for subsequent GRS. To remind her, I think I'll write "Do not remove scrotum!" on my abdomen just to make sure she remembers. It may give her a smile when I'm wheeled in and they take the sheet off me.
-Sandy (nervous!)
I just got the phone call from the hospital saying that I must report to the same-day surgery center at 06:00. I have to be NPO after midnight. I had arranged to be driven to the hospital by my daughter, but it is much earlier than we had planned. She has to drive from the south suburbs of Chicago to the west suburbs to get me, then we have to go to the north side of Chi to get to the hospital. Sheesh! I've put a call into her, but haven't gotten a call back as yet.
If worse comes to worse, I guess I could drive myself up there and have my daughter and son-in-law take me back and drive my car back too.
Like I said, I'm getting nervous. I knew I should have saved some of those Valiums for me instead of giving all of them to Julie.
BTW: Julie is a day worker and really can't break away to drop me off, so don't get down on her, OK?
BTW:BTW: For those of you satirically challenged, neither Julie nor myself use recreational drugs. It's a joke! Get it?
Anyway, I figure that from the early arrival time, I may be one of the first to go. Which is good, less time to worry. And I don't even know what to worry about! I want this operation, I'm not afraid of being operated on (I've had operations before), so I don't know what the heck is going on in my head. I'm sure Julie will have a way of settling my butt down. I just want it to be over.
This morning I asked Julie if she wanted to get a call from my daughter when the operation was done. She just replied: "Why? The vet didn't call when Baron was done..." She has such a way to make me smile/laugh/guffaw.
One of the questions the surgeon asked me was whether or not I wanted my scrotum removed as a part of the operation. I replied that I wanted it left in place for subsequent GRS. To remind her, I think I'll write "Do not remove scrotum!" on my abdomen just to make sure she remembers. It may give her a smile when I'm wheeled in and they take the sheet off me.
-Sandy (nervous!)
_________________________________
Everyone! Thanks again for all your kind words and prayers! I'm sure that is why I am feeling so well! I have very little discomfort, and virtually no pain. I feel great!
Now let us return to that fateful morning...
Actually the previous night. I was so nervous! Julie had given me a hug and told me everything would be alright. Then she had to get to bed because of work. I stayed up much later. I knew I should have gone to bed but I really wasn't tired. I checked the alarm clock about a dozen times before I crawled in bed.
I had set the alarm for abort 3:00 am because of the trip we'd have to make. I wanted plenty of time to get ready.
My daughter picked me up about 4:30 and we headed out to the hospital. As you would imagine, traffic at that hour of the morning is extremely light and we made great time.
We got to the hospital about 5:25 and made our way up to the same day surgery center. I checked in with the person at the desk and noticed I was the first to sign in.
Even though my male name was what was used to register me I dressed casually, but feminine and wore makeup and my wig. The wonderful staff never blinked or gave any indication about the discrepancy.
After I got checked in and had my id bracelet put on, I was shown to the dressing room where I was instructed to change into a gown and slippers. I changed into the gown and put all my clothes (and wig) in a storage bag. The staff person showed me a locker to put my things. I was then taken to a waiting area and put on a gurney.
My daughter joined me a few minutes later. We had a chance to talk for about fifteen minutes. In that time I started to get a little bit of cold feet. I wondered if this was really what I wanted. The enormity of this life altering event started to weigh heavily on my mind. I got a little weepy with my daughter and she held my hand and soothed me.
Then it dawned on me. What was bothering me all along was the fact that the staff was required to deal with me and call me by my male name. I hated that. I knew they didn't have any choice but it still grated none the less. Also, then it called forth that slumbering persona that I had never thought I would hear from again. He whispered to me, "What are you doing! Men don't do this!"
Then I realized what was going on. I realized that this was for ME, Sandy! Once I realized that, I became completely calm. My faith and confidence returned. And I became anxious to move on.
Soon I was wheeled to the prep area. Most of that time was spent waiting. I must have waited over an hour. But in that time I was seen by the doctor of anesthesiology and other staff member to take my vitals and prepare me for surgery.
When I originally talked to my surgeon about the operation, she recommended that I go general anesthesia rather than local. She remarked that it can be a little tricky to completely numb the area using a local other than a spinal block. So that's what we agreed to.
Once everything was prepped, I was wheeled to the operation suite waiting area. A little bit after that the doctor came around and checked on me. And wanted to know if I had any questions.
The only question I had was that one of the documents I signed indicated my diagnosis. On there was the diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria. In my original discussions with my doctor and then the surgeon, they said the would use a different diagnosis so that there wouldn't be any problems with the insurance. With the diagnosis of GID on the document I was concerned that my insurance would be denied. She assured me that this would clear and would be the proper way to submit the paperwork to the insurance company. She understood my need for the operation and had consulted with my doctor about my case and they both agreed that this procedure was necessary to my health and well being. I'm somewhat comforted, but I'll feel a lot better when I see the paperwork clear. Also now I have an official medical diagnosis of GID from a second doctor. Not that I need more affirmation about who I am. But I am comforted.
After that the anesthesiologist came and gave me another shot. She said I would be put to sleep so that they could put me on a respirator. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see my doctors face when she saw what I wrote on my abdomen. I was about to say that when...
***LIGHTS OUT***
The next thing I really notice is that a nurse is asking me if I feel nauseous. I'm in the recovery room and I've lost about an hour or so of my life. I didn't even remember getting sleepy! I could feel that I had been operated on and I had some pain. But nothing really major. I was somewhat nauseous though and somewhere in the haze I said that I was and they gave me another shot and I soon felt much better.
My daughter was there with my clothes and asked how I felt. The fog quickly lifted and I also realized I was completely parched. I had been NPO since midnight and I was very thirsty.
The nurse gave me some ginger ale and I think I sucked it down in one gulp. Over the next hour or so I came completely awake and aware. I was asked how I felt several times and had my IV pulled. I also had a sandwich I was hungry! One of my friends also came to see me. She brought me a teddy bear as a gift. She is so sweet. I know she lurks here and reads my blogs so I want to say "Thank you!". The three of us chatted for a time as I became strong enough to put my clothes on. When I did, the medical staff felt I was strong enough to go home. While they talked to my doctor she didn't come to see me, so I won't find out what she thought about my note until I see her again.
I was wheeled out to the car and said goodbye to my friend. My daughter took me back home.
I've been taking it pretty easily since then. Mama Julie makes sure I do. She is such a mother hen. She makes sure I don't lift anything too heavy and asks how I am feeling and makes sure I don't do anything too strenuous. She is such a dear.
I have had virtually no pain since the operation. I have a prescription for vicoden, but only had to use one. I've heard many stories about how others had a lot of discomfort and pain, but I guess those perhaps were the exceptions. Anyway, I feel great.
And I am very happy to have had it done. Having removed one (or two!) of my primary signs of masculinity comforts me greatly.
...and yes, the doctor *did* follow my request...
-Sandy
Now let us return to that fateful morning...
Actually the previous night. I was so nervous! Julie had given me a hug and told me everything would be alright. Then she had to get to bed because of work. I stayed up much later. I knew I should have gone to bed but I really wasn't tired. I checked the alarm clock about a dozen times before I crawled in bed.
I had set the alarm for abort 3:00 am because of the trip we'd have to make. I wanted plenty of time to get ready.
My daughter picked me up about 4:30 and we headed out to the hospital. As you would imagine, traffic at that hour of the morning is extremely light and we made great time.
We got to the hospital about 5:25 and made our way up to the same day surgery center. I checked in with the person at the desk and noticed I was the first to sign in.
Even though my male name was what was used to register me I dressed casually, but feminine and wore makeup and my wig. The wonderful staff never blinked or gave any indication about the discrepancy.
After I got checked in and had my id bracelet put on, I was shown to the dressing room where I was instructed to change into a gown and slippers. I changed into the gown and put all my clothes (and wig) in a storage bag. The staff person showed me a locker to put my things. I was then taken to a waiting area and put on a gurney.
My daughter joined me a few minutes later. We had a chance to talk for about fifteen minutes. In that time I started to get a little bit of cold feet. I wondered if this was really what I wanted. The enormity of this life altering event started to weigh heavily on my mind. I got a little weepy with my daughter and she held my hand and soothed me.
Then it dawned on me. What was bothering me all along was the fact that the staff was required to deal with me and call me by my male name. I hated that. I knew they didn't have any choice but it still grated none the less. Also, then it called forth that slumbering persona that I had never thought I would hear from again. He whispered to me, "What are you doing! Men don't do this!"
Then I realized what was going on. I realized that this was for ME, Sandy! Once I realized that, I became completely calm. My faith and confidence returned. And I became anxious to move on.
Soon I was wheeled to the prep area. Most of that time was spent waiting. I must have waited over an hour. But in that time I was seen by the doctor of anesthesiology and other staff member to take my vitals and prepare me for surgery.
When I originally talked to my surgeon about the operation, she recommended that I go general anesthesia rather than local. She remarked that it can be a little tricky to completely numb the area using a local other than a spinal block. So that's what we agreed to.
Once everything was prepped, I was wheeled to the operation suite waiting area. A little bit after that the doctor came around and checked on me. And wanted to know if I had any questions.
The only question I had was that one of the documents I signed indicated my diagnosis. On there was the diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria. In my original discussions with my doctor and then the surgeon, they said the would use a different diagnosis so that there wouldn't be any problems with the insurance. With the diagnosis of GID on the document I was concerned that my insurance would be denied. She assured me that this would clear and would be the proper way to submit the paperwork to the insurance company. She understood my need for the operation and had consulted with my doctor about my case and they both agreed that this procedure was necessary to my health and well being. I'm somewhat comforted, but I'll feel a lot better when I see the paperwork clear. Also now I have an official medical diagnosis of GID from a second doctor. Not that I need more affirmation about who I am. But I am comforted.
After that the anesthesiologist came and gave me another shot. She said I would be put to sleep so that they could put me on a respirator. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see my doctors face when she saw what I wrote on my abdomen. I was about to say that when...
***LIGHTS OUT***
The next thing I really notice is that a nurse is asking me if I feel nauseous. I'm in the recovery room and I've lost about an hour or so of my life. I didn't even remember getting sleepy! I could feel that I had been operated on and I had some pain. But nothing really major. I was somewhat nauseous though and somewhere in the haze I said that I was and they gave me another shot and I soon felt much better.
My daughter was there with my clothes and asked how I felt. The fog quickly lifted and I also realized I was completely parched. I had been NPO since midnight and I was very thirsty.
The nurse gave me some ginger ale and I think I sucked it down in one gulp. Over the next hour or so I came completely awake and aware. I was asked how I felt several times and had my IV pulled. I also had a sandwich I was hungry! One of my friends also came to see me. She brought me a teddy bear as a gift. She is so sweet. I know she lurks here and reads my blogs so I want to say "Thank you!". The three of us chatted for a time as I became strong enough to put my clothes on. When I did, the medical staff felt I was strong enough to go home. While they talked to my doctor she didn't come to see me, so I won't find out what she thought about my note until I see her again.
I was wheeled out to the car and said goodbye to my friend. My daughter took me back home.
I've been taking it pretty easily since then. Mama Julie makes sure I do. She is such a mother hen. She makes sure I don't lift anything too heavy and asks how I am feeling and makes sure I don't do anything too strenuous. She is such a dear.
I have had virtually no pain since the operation. I have a prescription for vicoden, but only had to use one. I've heard many stories about how others had a lot of discomfort and pain, but I guess those perhaps were the exceptions. Anyway, I feel great.
And I am very happy to have had it done. Having removed one (or two!) of my primary signs of masculinity comforts me greatly.
...and yes, the doctor *did* follow my request...
-Sandy
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