There was a forum post over at Susan's about "Why we come to Susan's?"
Many of the answers were to the effect of:
1) Learning about transgender issues
2) Finding others like themselves
3) Navigating their way through the quagmire of gender change
4) Be a resource for others
I think most of the post-whatever ladies and gentlemen have been in each of those categories.
But once you complete yourself and your transition, why stay? Why not just go on and leave us behind and get on with life. To be honest, many have. And that is absolutely fine.
We stay to save lives.
Unlike other forums about bowling, motocross, or basket weaving, we stay because we need each other. No one else understands the issues of transgenderism as one in our community. No one can really relate to the depression that strikes us. Or can truly understand the joy of taking one more step on our journey of completion.
How many of us have posted because we were at the end of our ropes? We came to look for solace and understanding. We can understand. We can sympathize, we've been there, or are there ourselves.
And how many times have we given hope to someone who was without hope. And who, without our support, would have taken a decidedly darker turn in their lives?
This is why we post. Why many of us stay. To welcome others who are searching and feel lost. To pull someone in from the ledge.
This isn't about hobbies or vacations. This is real life. This is about preserving life.
So keep posting, keep talking, keep the conversation going.
I will.
-Sandy
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Well, that's five bucks I'll never see again!
DO NOT BUY THIS MAGAZINE!
The current issue of Scientific America Mind, is devoted to the differences between males and females.
Normally I don't get these issues, but this one caught my eye because it not only discusses the difference between male and female brains, minds and attitudes, it had an article specifically about transsexuals called
"The Third Gender"
Transsexuals are illuminating
the biology and psychology
of sex—and revealing just how
diverse the human species
really is.
By Jesse Bering
My respect for Sci Am goes back decades, every major scientist from just about every discipline has had an article in here. It has been around for over 150 years. It was the major force in proving medical gadgets and snake oil were fakes and not only useless but harmful as well. It mediated between the AMA and quack "doctors" in proving that their quackery was dangerous and prevented people from seeking proper professional help. It lead to the formation of the FDA and the stringent medical laws that are on the books now.
I remember reading about black holes when professor Hawkings described them and how they were such a mystery.
The EPR paradox of quantum mechanics was debated and even whether or not the universe had a beginning or was eternal.
So I bought the online version of this issue and read through it.
SciAm has changed much over the years. When I first started reading it, it was not really a mainstream magazine and had very little background in it for the layperson.
These days it is much more dumbed down. Most of the articles are pop sci quality and more of an overview rather than an in depth discussion of an idea.
This article was much the same. It is mostly just an overview of things that we in the community already know: Sex is not gender, gender isn't between your legs, sexual orientation has noting to do with it, etc. And it said rightfully that cross dressing and drag are not necessarily related to transsexuality.
And talks about Chaz Bono and Caster Semenya. All fine and good, but nothing really new, even to the moderately cognizant layperson.
Ok, fine, tell me something I don't know.
Then it starts quoting from Blanchard Lawence about autogynephilia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fully one third of the article is devoted to talking about their discredited research. And put Lawence's book in the further reading information and also lists Zucker's article in the DSM.
I call bullsh!t on this!
There was nothing about other research or anything about the elements of medical research that may point to more physical reasons for this condition.
The Author bio:
Experimental psychologist JESSE BERING is director of the Institute of Cognition and
Culture at the Queen’s University, Belfast. He writes the featured blog “Bering in
Mind” for www.ScientificAmerican.com. Bering’s first book, The Belief Instinct: The
Hidden Psychology of Souls, Destiny and the Meaning of Life, is forthcoming from
W. W. Norton in the fall of 2010.
I am not remotely familiar enough with the field of psychology to recognize this person, nor have I visited their blog. I may do that later when I calm down.
I am severely disappointed and disheartened that they would allow this rubbish to be published.
Save your money. There is nothing to see here!
-Sandy
The current issue of Scientific America Mind, is devoted to the differences between males and females.
Normally I don't get these issues, but this one caught my eye because it not only discusses the difference between male and female brains, minds and attitudes, it had an article specifically about transsexuals called
"The Third Gender"
Transsexuals are illuminating
the biology and psychology
of sex—and revealing just how
diverse the human species
really is.
By Jesse Bering
My respect for Sci Am goes back decades, every major scientist from just about every discipline has had an article in here. It has been around for over 150 years. It was the major force in proving medical gadgets and snake oil were fakes and not only useless but harmful as well. It mediated between the AMA and quack "doctors" in proving that their quackery was dangerous and prevented people from seeking proper professional help. It lead to the formation of the FDA and the stringent medical laws that are on the books now.
I remember reading about black holes when professor Hawkings described them and how they were such a mystery.
The EPR paradox of quantum mechanics was debated and even whether or not the universe had a beginning or was eternal.
So I bought the online version of this issue and read through it.
SciAm has changed much over the years. When I first started reading it, it was not really a mainstream magazine and had very little background in it for the layperson.
These days it is much more dumbed down. Most of the articles are pop sci quality and more of an overview rather than an in depth discussion of an idea.
This article was much the same. It is mostly just an overview of things that we in the community already know: Sex is not gender, gender isn't between your legs, sexual orientation has noting to do with it, etc. And it said rightfully that cross dressing and drag are not necessarily related to transsexuality.
And talks about Chaz Bono and Caster Semenya. All fine and good, but nothing really new, even to the moderately cognizant layperson.
Ok, fine, tell me something I don't know.
Then it starts quoting from Blanchard Lawence about autogynephilia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fully one third of the article is devoted to talking about their discredited research. And put Lawence's book in the further reading information and also lists Zucker's article in the DSM.
I call bullsh!t on this!
There was nothing about other research or anything about the elements of medical research that may point to more physical reasons for this condition.
The Author bio:
Experimental psychologist JESSE BERING is director of the Institute of Cognition and
Culture at the Queen’s University, Belfast. He writes the featured blog “Bering in
Mind” for www.ScientificAmerican.com. Bering’s first book, The Belief Instinct: The
Hidden Psychology of Souls, Destiny and the Meaning of Life, is forthcoming from
W. W. Norton in the fall of 2010.
I am not remotely familiar enough with the field of psychology to recognize this person, nor have I visited their blog. I may do that later when I calm down.
I am severely disappointed and disheartened that they would allow this rubbish to be published.
Save your money. There is nothing to see here!
-Sandy
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Delaney
Delaney talks to statues
As she dances 'round the pool
She chases cats through roman ruins
And stomps on big toadstools
She speaks a language all her own
That I cannot discover
But she knows I love her so
When I tuck her 'neath the covers
Father, daughter
Down by the water
Shells sink, dreams float
Life's good on our boat
Songwriters: Buffett, Jimmy;Lee, Amy;Mcanally, Mac
I'm not much of a parrot head, though, like just about everybody else think that Mr Buffett is one fine story teller. I have quite a number of his songs on my Rockbox'd iPod and it shuffled this song up on the way home.
When I was a father, I feel I never had the time to give my daughters the kind of attention that is talked about in "Delaney". I always had the job to do and I was on call 24/7 throughout most of my career. I gave them as much as I possibly could (I was even a cookie mom for girl scouts one year), but I never felt it was enough. They turned out all right in spite of that and know that family is what is important in life.
But now I have two little ones under foot all the time (my daughter, son-in-law, and kids live with me). And now I have a bit of a second chance.
I still have the job, but I am more of an emeritus fire fighter in computer geek terms, and rarely get calls outside of work.
And when "Delaney" started playing when I was on the train, I realized I shouldn't waste my second chance.
So my oldest granddaughter and I sat outside when I got home and we chatted, she rode her little training wheeled bike up and back. She rode down the sidewalk a ways waving and yelling goodbye and saying that she had to go to the "leaf store". She rode to the "store", picked a single dandelion leaf and rode back to give it to me. Then rode back to get another. This went on until she was startled (read terrified) when she saw a bug. She is almost phobic about flying bugs because of a bee sting once.
I ran to her aid and calmed her down and hugged her close. It was getting dark so we put her bike away and came in to get ready for supper. She then "helped" her mom with dinner. When it my turn to cook, my granddaughter is "little chief", ala "ratatouille". We make a mess have fun.
She is my Delaney. And I love her so. Unlike Delaney, though, she tucks me in at night and will read me a bedtime story. Book held upside down pretending to read the words and making the story up as she goes. The stories can be quite restful. She'll stop, sometimes in mid sentence, and then say "The End!" She gives me a goodnight kiss and tucks *me* 'neath the covers.
My relationship with my youngest granddaughter is developing in it's own special way. Our relationship is different than the one I have with my oldest granddaughter just as my relationship is different with my two daughters.
She will be two in August and speaks a language not found on earth. She has a running commentary about everything. I truly wish I could understand what she is saying. I'm sure I will learn more from her than she from me. I feel our classes have only begun and she is starting me out on the simple concepts and she will educate me on more complex topics as we go along.
Yeah, life's good on our boat...
-Sandy
As she dances 'round the pool
She chases cats through roman ruins
And stomps on big toadstools
She speaks a language all her own
That I cannot discover
But she knows I love her so
When I tuck her 'neath the covers
Father, daughter
Down by the water
Shells sink, dreams float
Life's good on our boat
Songwriters: Buffett, Jimmy;Lee, Amy;Mcanally, Mac
I'm not much of a parrot head, though, like just about everybody else think that Mr Buffett is one fine story teller. I have quite a number of his songs on my Rockbox'd iPod and it shuffled this song up on the way home.
When I was a father, I feel I never had the time to give my daughters the kind of attention that is talked about in "Delaney". I always had the job to do and I was on call 24/7 throughout most of my career. I gave them as much as I possibly could (I was even a cookie mom for girl scouts one year), but I never felt it was enough. They turned out all right in spite of that and know that family is what is important in life.
But now I have two little ones under foot all the time (my daughter, son-in-law, and kids live with me). And now I have a bit of a second chance.
I still have the job, but I am more of an emeritus fire fighter in computer geek terms, and rarely get calls outside of work.
And when "Delaney" started playing when I was on the train, I realized I shouldn't waste my second chance.
So my oldest granddaughter and I sat outside when I got home and we chatted, she rode her little training wheeled bike up and back. She rode down the sidewalk a ways waving and yelling goodbye and saying that she had to go to the "leaf store". She rode to the "store", picked a single dandelion leaf and rode back to give it to me. Then rode back to get another. This went on until she was startled (read terrified) when she saw a bug. She is almost phobic about flying bugs because of a bee sting once.
I ran to her aid and calmed her down and hugged her close. It was getting dark so we put her bike away and came in to get ready for supper. She then "helped" her mom with dinner. When it my turn to cook, my granddaughter is "little chief", ala "ratatouille". We make a mess have fun.
She is my Delaney. And I love her so. Unlike Delaney, though, she tucks me in at night and will read me a bedtime story. Book held upside down pretending to read the words and making the story up as she goes. The stories can be quite restful. She'll stop, sometimes in mid sentence, and then say "The End!" She gives me a goodnight kiss and tucks *me* 'neath the covers.
My relationship with my youngest granddaughter is developing in it's own special way. Our relationship is different than the one I have with my oldest granddaughter just as my relationship is different with my two daughters.
She will be two in August and speaks a language not found on earth. She has a running commentary about everything. I truly wish I could understand what she is saying. I'm sure I will learn more from her than she from me. I feel our classes have only begun and she is starting me out on the simple concepts and she will educate me on more complex topics as we go along.
Yeah, life's good on our boat...
-Sandy
Friday, April 2, 2010
My granddaughter, my transition, and me.
The "talk" has happened.
I discussed it a bit in this post:
Who is that she asked?
My oldest granddaughter now knows that Grandma Sandy was once a boy, and what that means.
I was hoping to be the one that had the conversation, but it didn't turn out that way.
My son-in-law was showing pictures of the renovation we did at my last house. We gutted and completely rebuilt the kitchen. Not recommended for the faint of heart.
Anyway, as he was showing the pictures, my granddaughter kept staring at the man with the goatee. My son-in-law didn't say anything about it.
After looking at the pictures for a bit she pointed to him and exclaimed; "That's my Grandma Sandy!"
My son-in-law said, yes, that was before your grandma became a girl. She used to be a boy. He and I had discussed it before and just decided that if she had any questions or anything, just keep it matter of fact.
"She looks different now" she said.
"Well she had some surgeries to help her change".
And then he went into some brief discussions about all the facial and breast work that was done. I don't think he talked too much about SRS, but she does know how boys are different than girls in that respect.
Later that evening when I got home, she talked to me about all the work I had done. I was quite surprised about how she found out, but just agreed with her and said that all those things were true. It wasn't until later that I found out what had occurred.
And nothing has changed. I'm still her grandma Sandy and she loves me just as much as before. And I teared up a bit when she hugged me after we talked.
Folks, I am so close to bankruptcy that I wonder from day to day if I can put food on the table. My bills seem endless. I worry about money perhaps way more than I should.
I knew that I would be financially ruined by my transition. I may never completely recover.
One of the things therapy is supposed to do is to set expectations for your post transition life. To make you understand that your problems will not magically go away simply because your presentation finally matches what's in your head. Well *that* part is really true!
But I knew I had only two choices left to me when I failed at my last attempt at suicide. Keep trying until I get it right or change.
I knew I made the right decision, of course.
But I never knew the true riches I would receive when I am hugged and kissed by one such as her. They are more precious to me than gold.
-Sandy
I discussed it a bit in this post:
Who is that she asked?
My oldest granddaughter now knows that Grandma Sandy was once a boy, and what that means.
I was hoping to be the one that had the conversation, but it didn't turn out that way.
My son-in-law was showing pictures of the renovation we did at my last house. We gutted and completely rebuilt the kitchen. Not recommended for the faint of heart.
Anyway, as he was showing the pictures, my granddaughter kept staring at the man with the goatee. My son-in-law didn't say anything about it.
After looking at the pictures for a bit she pointed to him and exclaimed; "That's my Grandma Sandy!"
My son-in-law said, yes, that was before your grandma became a girl. She used to be a boy. He and I had discussed it before and just decided that if she had any questions or anything, just keep it matter of fact.
"She looks different now" she said.
"Well she had some surgeries to help her change".
And then he went into some brief discussions about all the facial and breast work that was done. I don't think he talked too much about SRS, but she does know how boys are different than girls in that respect.
Later that evening when I got home, she talked to me about all the work I had done. I was quite surprised about how she found out, but just agreed with her and said that all those things were true. It wasn't until later that I found out what had occurred.
And nothing has changed. I'm still her grandma Sandy and she loves me just as much as before. And I teared up a bit when she hugged me after we talked.
Folks, I am so close to bankruptcy that I wonder from day to day if I can put food on the table. My bills seem endless. I worry about money perhaps way more than I should.
I knew that I would be financially ruined by my transition. I may never completely recover.
One of the things therapy is supposed to do is to set expectations for your post transition life. To make you understand that your problems will not magically go away simply because your presentation finally matches what's in your head. Well *that* part is really true!
But I knew I had only two choices left to me when I failed at my last attempt at suicide. Keep trying until I get it right or change.
I knew I made the right decision, of course.
But I never knew the true riches I would receive when I am hugged and kissed by one such as her. They are more precious to me than gold.
-Sandy
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