My granddaughter, my transition, and me.

The "talk" has happened.

I discussed it a bit in this post:

Who is that she asked?

My oldest granddaughter now knows that Grandma Sandy was once a boy, and what that means.

I was hoping to be the one that had the conversation, but it didn't turn out that way.

My son-in-law was showing pictures of the renovation we did at my last house.  We gutted and completely rebuilt the kitchen.  Not recommended for the faint of heart.

Anyway, as he was showing the pictures, my granddaughter kept staring at the man with the goatee.  My son-in-law didn't say anything about it.

After looking at the pictures for a bit she pointed to him and exclaimed; "That's my Grandma Sandy!"

My son-in-law said, yes, that was before your grandma became a girl.  She used to be a boy.  He and I had discussed it before and just decided that if she had any questions or anything, just keep it matter of fact.

"She looks different now" she said.

"Well she had some surgeries to help her change".

And then he went into some brief discussions about all the facial and breast work that was done.  I don't think he talked too much about SRS, but she does know how boys are different than girls in that respect.

Later that evening when I got home, she talked to me about all the work I had done.  I was quite surprised about how she found out, but just agreed with her and said that all those things were true.  It wasn't until later that I found out what had occurred.

And nothing has changed.  I'm still her grandma Sandy and she loves me just as much as before.  And I teared up a bit when she hugged me after we talked.

Folks, I am so close to bankruptcy that I wonder from day to day if I can put food on the table.  My bills seem endless.  I worry about money perhaps way more than I should.

I knew that I would be financially ruined by my transition.  I may never completely recover. 

One of the things therapy is supposed to do is to set expectations for your post transition life.  To make you understand that your problems will not magically go away simply because your presentation finally  matches what's in your head.  Well *that* part is really true!

But I knew I had only two choices left to me when I failed at my last attempt at suicide.  Keep trying until I get it right or change.

I knew I made the right decision, of course.

But I never knew the true riches I would receive when I am hugged and kissed by one such as her.  They are more precious to me than gold.

-Sandy