I had an interesting experience at church this past Sunday.
As we are still in the Christmas season, the readings regarded the birth of Christ and also spoke about the pregnancy of Mary and also Elizabeth, the mother of John the baptist.
I've heard these stories many times over the years, but for the first time as they were being read, I was overcome with a sense of identification with the women in the readings. It's a little hard to explain, but I felt community(?), sisterly love(?), something, when listening to the reading regarding the pregnancy of Elizabeth. I could empathize with her feelings much closer than I ever have before. And too in the discussion of Mary's conception and pregnancy, I could feel an empathy I never had felt before.
Prior to my change I never really identified with anyone in the bible, male or female.
It's not like I can get pregnant or anything like that, but I felt more... feminine(?) than I have before.
Interesting, and in many ways, gratifying.
-Sandy
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Christmas, a day of firsts…
Christmas, a day of firsts…
This Christmas was a series of firsts for me.
It was the first Christmas in my new house.
It was the first Christmas for me as myself.
It was the first Christmas where my family gathered together in my new house.
All of these couldn’t or wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t transitioned, in fact if I hadn’t transitioned, I may have not been here to tell about it at all!
In many ways I feel so blessed.
-Sandy
It was the first Christmas in my new house.
It was the first Christmas for me as myself.
It was the first Christmas where my family gathered together in my new house.
All of these couldn’t or wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t transitioned, in fact if I hadn’t transitioned, I may have not been here to tell about it at all!
In many ways I feel so blessed.
-Sandy
Reurning to Church...
Piglet had a chance to visit with some old friends of ours while she was up here for the divorce. They were people we knew from church. She set up the dinner after she had been contacted by them following her notification of her moving.
She had dinner with them and afterwards mentioned to me that they had started attending a new church and we were both invited to attend.
These ladies knew about me and the changes I had been through, but had not met me yet. They knew that piglet and I was divorced but wanted us to come to the church anyway.
I’ve been away from major religion for several years. My spirituality dwindled to almost nothing as I descended into the abyss of depression that occupied my life prior to my coming out to myself. I had found some solace in the Native American spirituality, but in no way could you call it an organized religion. It is a very personal thing. Something that I needed at the time, but one cannot be completely involved with spirituality in isolation. A person needs others to be in community with them (the saying “two or more of you are gathered in her name” is the key).
With my transition and change of locations, I really didn’t have time for attending a regular service. But now as my life recovers from my changes, and I start to pick up the pieces, things are starting to return to me. One of the pieces was my involvement with the Anglican Church. I find it interesting that just when I was reminiscing of my times at the church, a door opens for me allowing me to return.
This has happened time and again through my transition. When something was ready for me to take it on, a door would open for me to walk through.
Still I was a little nervous going to that first service. There were several families from the old church that we had attended there and they all had heard about me. As I walked into the undercroft to hang up my coat, piglet visited with some of the people we used to know. I did a quick dash into the restroom to freshen myself up and to get a bit of courage up to go and greet the people I used to know.
I shouldn’t have worried so much, or at all for that matter. I was warmly greeted by the couple of old acquaintances I knew and we all hugged like old friends meeting, which I guess we were. Very soon after that it was time for the service and we went upstairs. We all sat together. The pastor’s sermon talked about constants in change and much of it seemed to speak directly to me. As things change, our connection with Christ (spirit) remains constant.
Throughout the whole service I was overwhelmed with the feeling of having come home.
During the peace, which always struck me as the Anglican version of the seventh inning stretch, I was nearly moved to tears as my new and old friends greeted me.
After the service we returned to the undercroft for coffee hour. I was greeted by just about everyone there. Some of them knew about me most did not. But it didn’t matter, I was greeted warmly and sincerely. I sat with piglet and my friends from the old church. One of the people from the old days is now a Deacon and he asked if I was happy now. I told him I was ecstatically happy. He introduced me to the pastor and she was very happy to see me and wanted to make sure that I came back. I told her I would be.
I also attended the Christmas day service and again I felt that I had found something that I really needed and was missing from my life.
I have come home.
-Sandy
She had dinner with them and afterwards mentioned to me that they had started attending a new church and we were both invited to attend.
These ladies knew about me and the changes I had been through, but had not met me yet. They knew that piglet and I was divorced but wanted us to come to the church anyway.
I’ve been away from major religion for several years. My spirituality dwindled to almost nothing as I descended into the abyss of depression that occupied my life prior to my coming out to myself. I had found some solace in the Native American spirituality, but in no way could you call it an organized religion. It is a very personal thing. Something that I needed at the time, but one cannot be completely involved with spirituality in isolation. A person needs others to be in community with them (the saying “two or more of you are gathered in her name” is the key).
With my transition and change of locations, I really didn’t have time for attending a regular service. But now as my life recovers from my changes, and I start to pick up the pieces, things are starting to return to me. One of the pieces was my involvement with the Anglican Church. I find it interesting that just when I was reminiscing of my times at the church, a door opens for me allowing me to return.
This has happened time and again through my transition. When something was ready for me to take it on, a door would open for me to walk through.
Still I was a little nervous going to that first service. There were several families from the old church that we had attended there and they all had heard about me. As I walked into the undercroft to hang up my coat, piglet visited with some of the people we used to know. I did a quick dash into the restroom to freshen myself up and to get a bit of courage up to go and greet the people I used to know.
I shouldn’t have worried so much, or at all for that matter. I was warmly greeted by the couple of old acquaintances I knew and we all hugged like old friends meeting, which I guess we were. Very soon after that it was time for the service and we went upstairs. We all sat together. The pastor’s sermon talked about constants in change and much of it seemed to speak directly to me. As things change, our connection with Christ (spirit) remains constant.
Throughout the whole service I was overwhelmed with the feeling of having come home.
During the peace, which always struck me as the Anglican version of the seventh inning stretch, I was nearly moved to tears as my new and old friends greeted me.
After the service we returned to the undercroft for coffee hour. I was greeted by just about everyone there. Some of them knew about me most did not. But it didn’t matter, I was greeted warmly and sincerely. I sat with piglet and my friends from the old church. One of the people from the old days is now a Deacon and he asked if I was happy now. I told him I was ecstatically happy. He introduced me to the pastor and she was very happy to see me and wanted to make sure that I came back. I told her I would be.
I also attended the Christmas day service and again I felt that I had found something that I really needed and was missing from my life.
I have come home.
-Sandy
The Divorce
Well that phase of my life is over.
A couple of weeks ago the stbew…
By way of explanation, I used the term stbew to refer to Soon To Be Ex Wife simply to save me typing. Also I do not like to use peoples names in any context without their specific permission. In conversation with my SO she has given permission to me to use her nickname, piglet.
So…
A couple of weeks ago piglet came up and we went to the to our divorce hearing. We had finally agreed to all points and also finally got both our lawyers to get to the court at the same time.
Our proceeding wasn’t all that eventful as we had already agreed to everything. It was mostly just a matter of signing papers and making statements before the judge. There was an interesting moment, however. During the proceeding, one of the questions asked of piglet was to the effect of feeling that there were irreconcilable differences and that there was no chance of us getting together again. Piglet looks over at me and says “No, I think not!” To which the lawyers and judges start to giggle.
Actually she had a couple of retorts come to mind but responded with the most conservative answer. The others were “Duh, ya think!” or my favorite “It’s more a case irreconcilable similarities!”The rest of the proceedings were pretty straight forward with only a minor hitch that was quickly resolved.
So that is it. The divorce is now final and I am now a single woman. To a great extent the court proceeding is anticlimactic. Much of the splitting up has already been done and we have been living apart for months. There are follow up issues to take care of such as insurance and the last financial arrangements. But that is it.
We are still friends and have no animosity toward each other, but we are now officially on separate paths.
-Sandy
A couple of weeks ago the stbew…
By way of explanation, I used the term stbew to refer to Soon To Be Ex Wife simply to save me typing. Also I do not like to use peoples names in any context without their specific permission. In conversation with my SO she has given permission to me to use her nickname, piglet.
So…
A couple of weeks ago piglet came up and we went to the to our divorce hearing. We had finally agreed to all points and also finally got both our lawyers to get to the court at the same time.
Our proceeding wasn’t all that eventful as we had already agreed to everything. It was mostly just a matter of signing papers and making statements before the judge. There was an interesting moment, however. During the proceeding, one of the questions asked of piglet was to the effect of feeling that there were irreconcilable differences and that there was no chance of us getting together again. Piglet looks over at me and says “No, I think not!” To which the lawyers and judges start to giggle.
Actually she had a couple of retorts come to mind but responded with the most conservative answer. The others were “Duh, ya think!” or my favorite “It’s more a case irreconcilable similarities!”The rest of the proceedings were pretty straight forward with only a minor hitch that was quickly resolved.
So that is it. The divorce is now final and I am now a single woman. To a great extent the court proceeding is anticlimactic. Much of the splitting up has already been done and we have been living apart for months. There are follow up issues to take care of such as insurance and the last financial arrangements. But that is it.
We are still friends and have no animosity toward each other, but we are now officially on separate paths.
-Sandy
Sunday, December 23, 2007
My life and loving it!
This has been a tumultuous year for me. But now it appears that my life may be less tumultuous going forward.
I am a woman with a transsexual condition, and I just started living full time in my true gender as of April of this year. My transition from male to female is all but complete. I have one more surgery left to complete my physical transition and I will be done. That surgery is scheduled for March of 2008. To the masses it is *the surgery*. But for me and other transsexuals like me, it is just the cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae. I won't say it is no big deal, because it really is. But I am much more fulfilled living as a woman full time. Society completely accepts me as a woman and I am absolutely ecstatic about that.
Once I have the Gender Reassignment Surgery, my position in society won't change by one iota. But internally I will know that I am complete, or at least as complete as modern science and surgery can make me. Every time I go to the 'loo or take a shower I'll know I am complete and that will make the smile on my face just a bit wider.
So what is the point of this blog?
I've posted my transition up to this point on www.susans.org, in the blog section called "Sandy's Transition". Catchy title, huh? Located there is the information that describes in tedious detail the major aspects of being a transsexual, living (or dying) as a transsexual, and those details that would be beneficial to other transsexuals. Don't look there, or here for that matter, for hot sexy shemale love or any crap like that. If that is your taste, then google is just chocked full of websites that will cater to your interests. Living my life as a transsexual has been devastating in many respects but a glorious blessing in other respects.
I posted at susans so that other transsexuals can find help and solace for dealing with their condition. But transitions are, by definition, temporary conditions. My transition is nearly complete and I only anticipate posting about my surgery.
But here, I will talk about my life, now. Not the life of a post-operative transsexual, but life of a woman in society. Just another gal in the workforce. And as such can be real boring to someone looking for information about pre-surgical life.
So here is my life now. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Living a life that is filled with joy and beauty. I walk around with a smile on my face nearly all the time. I am proud of who I am which is something that I have never experienced before. So, yeah, I am a happy girl.
It wasn't easy getting here and I very nearly didn't live through it, but I did, and I am glad I did!
-Sandy (Silly, grinning, fool)
I am a woman with a transsexual condition, and I just started living full time in my true gender as of April of this year. My transition from male to female is all but complete. I have one more surgery left to complete my physical transition and I will be done. That surgery is scheduled for March of 2008. To the masses it is *the surgery*. But for me and other transsexuals like me, it is just the cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae. I won't say it is no big deal, because it really is. But I am much more fulfilled living as a woman full time. Society completely accepts me as a woman and I am absolutely ecstatic about that.
Once I have the Gender Reassignment Surgery, my position in society won't change by one iota. But internally I will know that I am complete, or at least as complete as modern science and surgery can make me. Every time I go to the 'loo or take a shower I'll know I am complete and that will make the smile on my face just a bit wider.
So what is the point of this blog?
I've posted my transition up to this point on www.susans.org, in the blog section called "Sandy's Transition". Catchy title, huh? Located there is the information that describes in tedious detail the major aspects of being a transsexual, living (or dying) as a transsexual, and those details that would be beneficial to other transsexuals. Don't look there, or here for that matter, for hot sexy shemale love or any crap like that. If that is your taste, then google is just chocked full of websites that will cater to your interests. Living my life as a transsexual has been devastating in many respects but a glorious blessing in other respects.
I posted at susans so that other transsexuals can find help and solace for dealing with their condition. But transitions are, by definition, temporary conditions. My transition is nearly complete and I only anticipate posting about my surgery.
But here, I will talk about my life, now. Not the life of a post-operative transsexual, but life of a woman in society. Just another gal in the workforce. And as such can be real boring to someone looking for information about pre-surgical life.
So here is my life now. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Living a life that is filled with joy and beauty. I walk around with a smile on my face nearly all the time. I am proud of who I am which is something that I have never experienced before. So, yeah, I am a happy girl.
It wasn't easy getting here and I very nearly didn't live through it, but I did, and I am glad I did!
-Sandy (Silly, grinning, fool)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I wonder what it'll be like.
I wonder what it'll be like.
My GRS early next year, will mark the end of my transition from male to female. There'll still be loose ends to take care of like finishing my facial electrolosis and getting the rest of my official records changed to my current name and gender. But other than that I'll be finished.
I was just wondering what it'll feel like not having a constant anticipation of the next step in my life's transition. Before I came out I always had this yearning to be female. Then I came out, and I had anticipation to start therapy and HRT. Then as I started therapy and HRT I had a growing anticipation of the feminizing effects that the hormones would cause in my body.
And so it went. Each step in my quest to become the female I knew I was and to become myself in society, lead to the next step and the anticipation of that goal.
Soon that will be over, and I was wondering what it would feel like to finally feel as normal as I can ever be. I'm already picking up parts of my life that have been on hold because of the transition, divorce and moving into a new house. Maybe that's all it'll be, just a normal life.
I really wonder what that will feel like.
Do any of you other men and women who have completed your transition (however you define it, pre/post/non op) have similar feelings?
-Sandy
I was just wondering what it'll feel like not having a constant anticipation of the next step in my life's transition. Before I came out I always had this yearning to be female. Then I came out, and I had anticipation to start therapy and HRT. Then as I started therapy and HRT I had a growing anticipation of the feminizing effects that the hormones would cause in my body.
And so it went. Each step in my quest to become the female I knew I was and to become myself in society, lead to the next step and the anticipation of that goal.
Soon that will be over, and I was wondering what it would feel like to finally feel as normal as I can ever be. I'm already picking up parts of my life that have been on hold because of the transition, divorce and moving into a new house. Maybe that's all it'll be, just a normal life.
I really wonder what that will feel like.
Do any of you other men and women who have completed your transition (however you define it, pre/post/non op) have similar feelings?
-Sandy
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