Work transition

Work transition

The person I initially contacted about transitioning is part of the LGBT diversity group. He has had an initial conversation with someone from HR and found out some interesting information.

The trans man and myself are not the first transsexuals to transition. There have been four previous ones. All have transitioned smoothly with no problems! Also they have already had a ruling from legal regarding restroom usage. Their policy is that there are x number of womens rooms and x number of mens restrooms. If a person has a problem with a transsexual using the restroom of the gender they are presenting then that person *not the transsexual* can simply use another restroom!

I am so pleasantly surprised and gratified.

Now I have to really think about timetables and things and some very practical matters like wardrobe and such.

So much has happened in such a short period of time I'm still trying to catch my breath. I'm quickly realizing that I don't have enough clothes to go full time. And I also need to be going out as often as possible to become comfortable with myself.

That presents an obvious solution! I'll go out to get more clothes!! Mall crawl!!!

Really though I have to be sane about this. Just because the company says I could transition next week, for example, means that I *should* transition then. Actually that would be a very bad idea. I really need to practice more. I need to be able to go out into the world with confidence about who I am and what I am. I'm getting there but it still takes time. The company sounds like they will be very accommodating and will allow me to move at my own pace. That is gratifying.

-Sandy

Well here goes...

Well here goes...

This has been a weekend that I could not have foreseen.

I've been anxious to keep making progress. And would feel frustrated when I stopped progressing.

That being said, I have made dramatic progress. I'm still reeling from it's effects.

On Saturday ileftmywifeoftwentyyearsmovedinwithafriendandhavebeenmyselflongerthanieverhavebeeninmylife!

Whew! And that was the way it felt too! It was a roller coaster of a day and happened kind of like a car crash. The issues surrounding my separation (and soon divorce process) are more than just dealing with my transsexuality. But I now feel free, and life has become much more beautiful!

I will be pursuing my goal of being 24/7 before the end of the year. With the help of my friends and family I feel empowered and alive.

So my journey starts now. I feel that I am approaching a tipping point where it will be a cascade and I will have very little power to control it, though I may be able to direct it some.

Today was my first day back at work after having spent the entire weekend being myself.

Getting dressed for work was very difficult for me and really made me feel like I was a cross dresser. For the first time I felt uncomfortable wearing male clothes. I felt like I was being compressed, like in a trash compactor.

At work I went into the mens room during the day and as I was sitting there, someone came into the next stall and stood and urinated loudly into the bowl. I was revolted. I was almost overwhelmed with a very uncomfortable sense of not belonging there. I felt I had to sneak out while no one was looking.

When I got home, I took off my work clothes and put on some nice jeans and a top. Then I put on my makeup and wig. I had an almost palpable feeling of normalcy. The feeling of compression evaporated.

I claim this isn't about clothes, this isn't a fetish. But I felt the desire to express who I am. I am a woman. But now, much more than that, I AM SANDY! And I must be who I am. I cannot pretend to be a guy anymore. I was never very good at it anyway.

So it seems my journey begins with a bang. And I seem to be running, trying to keep ahead of this rushing tide of change.

After a while, birth is inevitable. And I seem to be being born right now!

I've heard this happen to other trans people but since it never happened to me I thought I was immune.

Oh well...

-Sandy (The New)

Intro...

Intro...

Alright everyone seems to have one. What to say here...

I asked for this blog because I wanted a place to document my transition. I'm hoping to make this year, 2007, my time to go 24/7.

My goal is to legally change my name to Sandra Louise before the start of 2008. Next year is the start of the REAL ID ACT. And any change requested to primary documentation like your birth certificate must be approved by them. Regardless of whether or not you have a judgment formally changing your status. And as I understand it they can refuse your request on a whim with no due process to address it. Another liberty eroded away by our progressive administration...

Anyway, I want to change my name. To do that I also want to be out 24/7 by that time so I can also have things like my drivers license and credit cards changed to reflect the new name.

I've already contacted a person at my company to discuss the issues of me coming out at work. The down side is that they don't have a formal guideline for transsexuals. The up side is that they want my participation in creating one (and living it of course). There is also a trans man about to come out so we'll be working together to come up with the presentation to management. Wow...

So I'll be using this forum to describe what goes on in my life as I try to live my life the way I feel I always should have...

Now that I'm thinking so seriously of doing this, I'm starting to get cold feet a little bit because of all the things that I'll have to do. Wardrobe, makeup, passing, all of this and more, *all of the time*. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. So I'm trying to put things in order and try to come up with a plan.

The alternative, of course, is not an option. At least for me. To go back, to try and pretend I'm a guy again... No. It's not for me. I'm just scared of all the unknowns. A common human trait.

I've been encouraged by others who have gone before me. The men and women on this list and our historical predecessors like Christine Jorgensen and Wendy Carlos. I feel I owe those who come after me some small effort to help make their life and transition easier. However that can be done. And this blog is one of them.

Of course your comments are appreciated as well! Please feel free to give me your feelings and opinions. The more perspectives I have the better!

If I live through all this, then, maybe, I'll look at SRS and FFS. Cost of course is an issue, but starting my life the way it is supposed to be has to come first.

Thanks!

-Sandy