This has been a weekend that I could not have foreseen.
I've been anxious to keep making progress. And would feel frustrated when I stopped progressing.
That being said, I have made dramatic progress. I'm still reeling from it's effects.
On Saturday ileftmywifeoftwentyyearsmovedinwithafriendandhavebeenmyselflongerthanieverhavebeeninmylife!
Whew! And that was the way it felt too! It was a roller coaster of a day and happened kind of like a car crash. The issues surrounding my separation (and soon divorce process) are more than just dealing with my transsexuality. But I now feel free, and life has become much more beautiful!
I will be pursuing my goal of being 24/7 before the end of the year. With the help of my friends and family I feel empowered and alive.
So my journey starts now. I feel that I am approaching a tipping point where it will be a cascade and I will have very little power to control it, though I may be able to direct it some.
Today was my first day back at work after having spent the entire weekend being myself.
Getting dressed for work was very difficult for me and really made me feel like I was a cross dresser. For the first time I felt uncomfortable wearing male clothes. I felt like I was being compressed, like in a trash compactor.
At work I went into the mens room during the day and as I was sitting there, someone came into the next stall and stood and urinated loudly into the bowl. I was revolted. I was almost overwhelmed with a very uncomfortable sense of not belonging there. I felt I had to sneak out while no one was looking.
When I got home, I took off my work clothes and put on some nice jeans and a top. Then I put on my makeup and wig. I had an almost palpable feeling of normalcy. The feeling of compression evaporated.
I claim this isn't about clothes, this isn't a fetish. But I felt the desire to express who I am. I am a woman. But now, much more than that, I AM SANDY! And I must be who I am. I cannot pretend to be a guy anymore. I was never very good at it anyway.
So it seems my journey begins with a bang. And I seem to be running, trying to keep ahead of this rushing tide of change.
After a while, birth is inevitable. And I seem to be being born right now!
I've heard this happen to other trans people but since it never happened to me I thought I was immune.
Oh well...
-Sandy (The New)
I've been anxious to keep making progress. And would feel frustrated when I stopped progressing.
That being said, I have made dramatic progress. I'm still reeling from it's effects.
On Saturday ileftmywifeoftwentyyearsmovedinwithafriendandhavebeenmyselflongerthanieverhavebeeninmylife!
Whew! And that was the way it felt too! It was a roller coaster of a day and happened kind of like a car crash. The issues surrounding my separation (and soon divorce process) are more than just dealing with my transsexuality. But I now feel free, and life has become much more beautiful!
I will be pursuing my goal of being 24/7 before the end of the year. With the help of my friends and family I feel empowered and alive.
So my journey starts now. I feel that I am approaching a tipping point where it will be a cascade and I will have very little power to control it, though I may be able to direct it some.
Today was my first day back at work after having spent the entire weekend being myself.
Getting dressed for work was very difficult for me and really made me feel like I was a cross dresser. For the first time I felt uncomfortable wearing male clothes. I felt like I was being compressed, like in a trash compactor.
At work I went into the mens room during the day and as I was sitting there, someone came into the next stall and stood and urinated loudly into the bowl. I was revolted. I was almost overwhelmed with a very uncomfortable sense of not belonging there. I felt I had to sneak out while no one was looking.
When I got home, I took off my work clothes and put on some nice jeans and a top. Then I put on my makeup and wig. I had an almost palpable feeling of normalcy. The feeling of compression evaporated.
I claim this isn't about clothes, this isn't a fetish. But I felt the desire to express who I am. I am a woman. But now, much more than that, I AM SANDY! And I must be who I am. I cannot pretend to be a guy anymore. I was never very good at it anyway.
So it seems my journey begins with a bang. And I seem to be running, trying to keep ahead of this rushing tide of change.
After a while, birth is inevitable. And I seem to be being born right now!
I've heard this happen to other trans people but since it never happened to me I thought I was immune.
Oh well...
-Sandy (The New)
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