Ladies, I could go on at length on what my FFS/BA experience. But really I think I’ll bring it to a close here.
I am now fifteen days past my surgeries and I am feeling quite a bit better. My strength is returning, but I am finding I don’t have the stamina I started with. I expect this shall return as well in all good time.
These procedures are not a quick fix. It will take weeks and months, if not a year before all the changes that were done completely manifest themselves.
Right now, though, much of the bruising has disappeared. I still have a couple of black and blue marks around my mouth, which make me look like I took a punch in the mouth. This too is fading quickly.
My healing has impressed everyone including the doctor. It is not unusual for some patients to look like raccoons for weeks afterwards. I had some discoloration but no real bruising.
When I look at my face right now, I don’t see the old me at all. I’m a little surprised at that. Other people who’ve gone through this for some reason seems to still show their old face but much more feminized. I see a feminine face, but not my old face feminized. Maybe it’s just me. I do find that I have to come to terms with that.
Over the course of my four day stay at the recovery hotel the Doctor visited me every day and he would change the dressing on my incisions and examine me closely for any signs of infection or unexpected changes. He also listened to my feelings and fears and warned me about postoperative depression, which is a known surgical phenomenon.
Lisa was my angel of mercy. She stayed with me 24 hours a day and took care of my every need. She ensured I got my medications on time and correctly dosed, administered to my incisions, and all I ever had to do was whisper her name and she would be right by my side for whatever I needed. She had direct access to the doctor and emergency care so if something did go wrong she knew exactly what to do. I cannot compliment her enough. A spouse, friend, or relative would have been overwhelmed with the needs to care for someone in that condition that soon after surgery. She also prevented me from getting a concussion on one occasion where she escorted me to the bathroom. Upon finishing, I stood up too quickly and passed out. The next thing I remember is that I’m sitting sideways on the toilet and Lisa is holding a smelling salt ampoule under my nose. She managed to control my fall and keep me from seriously hurting myself.
She also performed the day three “Four Hour Shower”. Actually it’s not quite that long but does take at least two or more hours. Basically she goes over every inch of every incision and removes any built up scabbing that can cause scarring and pulled each individual hair stuck under a staple to prevent infection. Then she assisted me with a complete hair washing and body wash. While the clearing of the incisions was tedious the shower felt marvelous. I also noticed I had grown a four day beard. YUCK!! Fortunately I did bring my electric razor with me and managed to get most of the hair off my face.
Both Julies visited me and brought me some wonderful get-well gifts and cards. They were also quite diplomatic in describing how well I looked. Especially since Julie Marie visited me on my first post surgical day. I do remember that I felt particularly, er, less than my best, but she made me smile by being there and making me laugh which didn’t hurt as much as I might have thought.
Our other friend Julie visited as well on day two and by that time I was much more capable of speech in English.
My daughter and son in law came to get me on my check out day. My lovely grandchild did not recognize me. Even after having had all my bandages removed. It took a couple of tries from her mom but eventually my granddaughter looked at me and said SANDY!
A few days later I had to be driven back to the clinic for another post op checkup. Kara climbed into my lap took one look at me and said PRETTY!
Which, considering I was still wearing my nose splint, “pretty” would not have been and adjective I would have used to describe me. But right then when she saw through all the gauze and bandages and said that, I actually felt “PRETTY”.
What I’m finding is that as I describe my experiences here, I am reliving them. And right now that is not the best way I can help my recovery.
My intension at writing these posts and the “You Are Not Prepared” post was to prepare YOU!
I’ve accomplished so much. I read about how some people think this is just a matter of having the money, or the paperwork, or both and a few days later, poof, your gender has been changed.
Or on the other end of the spectrum, there are people out there who are capable RIGHT NOW to move forward with their life. But don’t because of fear of the unknown.
I have tried to make the unknown, less so, and to those with stars in your eyes, I hope I helped clear your vision.
I AM NOT A HEROINE! I did this because I must; it’s that plain and simple. Imagine coming out of any other major surgery. I would imagine that you would hurt then too. All it takes is time and you will heal.
I am healing and will continue to heal for a number of months to come.
BTW:
The man named Ben who I speak so glowingly in my post surgical post is in fact my younger brother.
He has been working with Dr Zurkowski for many years and is in fact one of his main surgical technicians and a very close friend to the good doctor. In fact suggested I meet with him when I came out to my brother many months ago.
My brother stopped by today to take the staples out of my incisions, all 37 of them, and make sure my incisions were healing correctly.
We’ve been joking around with each other for several decades and have long since buried any hatchets between us. He was casual in his speech to be because we’ve known each other all our lives.
The doctor of course drives all the procedures upon a patient but the entire surgical team is responsible for the patients’ health and well being while in their care.
I may have spent ten hours under anesthesia, but Ben stood by the doctor during those ten hours assisting him in ways, I really don’t want to know. The doctor and the rest of the surgical team held my life in their hands. If I didn’t trust them I wouldn’t have gone there.
As you may recall I was looking to these surgeries as the way to expose the woman within me. The Doctor was also my sculptor. This has come to pass.
For the first time today, I put on my makeup and wig and Julie and I went shopping. I could not take my eyes off my reflections that I saw in the stores. I am not so vain that I would ever call myself beautiful. But what I didn’t see for the very first time in my life was the GUY! Every reflection showed me a woman. A woman who has longed to be alive for all these many years. And now she is alive. And the guy markers that always seemed to pop through no matter how I would work on them were gone!
I am one happy woman!
-Sandy(Born at last!)
One last thing: For those dying to know I appear to be settling into a 40D. I have a couple of very happy girls!
I am now fifteen days past my surgeries and I am feeling quite a bit better. My strength is returning, but I am finding I don’t have the stamina I started with. I expect this shall return as well in all good time.
These procedures are not a quick fix. It will take weeks and months, if not a year before all the changes that were done completely manifest themselves.
Right now, though, much of the bruising has disappeared. I still have a couple of black and blue marks around my mouth, which make me look like I took a punch in the mouth. This too is fading quickly.
My healing has impressed everyone including the doctor. It is not unusual for some patients to look like raccoons for weeks afterwards. I had some discoloration but no real bruising.
When I look at my face right now, I don’t see the old me at all. I’m a little surprised at that. Other people who’ve gone through this for some reason seems to still show their old face but much more feminized. I see a feminine face, but not my old face feminized. Maybe it’s just me. I do find that I have to come to terms with that.
Over the course of my four day stay at the recovery hotel the Doctor visited me every day and he would change the dressing on my incisions and examine me closely for any signs of infection or unexpected changes. He also listened to my feelings and fears and warned me about postoperative depression, which is a known surgical phenomenon.
Lisa was my angel of mercy. She stayed with me 24 hours a day and took care of my every need. She ensured I got my medications on time and correctly dosed, administered to my incisions, and all I ever had to do was whisper her name and she would be right by my side for whatever I needed. She had direct access to the doctor and emergency care so if something did go wrong she knew exactly what to do. I cannot compliment her enough. A spouse, friend, or relative would have been overwhelmed with the needs to care for someone in that condition that soon after surgery. She also prevented me from getting a concussion on one occasion where she escorted me to the bathroom. Upon finishing, I stood up too quickly and passed out. The next thing I remember is that I’m sitting sideways on the toilet and Lisa is holding a smelling salt ampoule under my nose. She managed to control my fall and keep me from seriously hurting myself.
She also performed the day three “Four Hour Shower”. Actually it’s not quite that long but does take at least two or more hours. Basically she goes over every inch of every incision and removes any built up scabbing that can cause scarring and pulled each individual hair stuck under a staple to prevent infection. Then she assisted me with a complete hair washing and body wash. While the clearing of the incisions was tedious the shower felt marvelous. I also noticed I had grown a four day beard. YUCK!! Fortunately I did bring my electric razor with me and managed to get most of the hair off my face.
Both Julies visited me and brought me some wonderful get-well gifts and cards. They were also quite diplomatic in describing how well I looked. Especially since Julie Marie visited me on my first post surgical day. I do remember that I felt particularly, er, less than my best, but she made me smile by being there and making me laugh which didn’t hurt as much as I might have thought.
Our other friend Julie visited as well on day two and by that time I was much more capable of speech in English.
My daughter and son in law came to get me on my check out day. My lovely grandchild did not recognize me. Even after having had all my bandages removed. It took a couple of tries from her mom but eventually my granddaughter looked at me and said SANDY!
A few days later I had to be driven back to the clinic for another post op checkup. Kara climbed into my lap took one look at me and said PRETTY!
Which, considering I was still wearing my nose splint, “pretty” would not have been and adjective I would have used to describe me. But right then when she saw through all the gauze and bandages and said that, I actually felt “PRETTY”.
What I’m finding is that as I describe my experiences here, I am reliving them. And right now that is not the best way I can help my recovery.
My intension at writing these posts and the “You Are Not Prepared” post was to prepare YOU!
I’ve accomplished so much. I read about how some people think this is just a matter of having the money, or the paperwork, or both and a few days later, poof, your gender has been changed.
Or on the other end of the spectrum, there are people out there who are capable RIGHT NOW to move forward with their life. But don’t because of fear of the unknown.
I have tried to make the unknown, less so, and to those with stars in your eyes, I hope I helped clear your vision.
I AM NOT A HEROINE! I did this because I must; it’s that plain and simple. Imagine coming out of any other major surgery. I would imagine that you would hurt then too. All it takes is time and you will heal.
I am healing and will continue to heal for a number of months to come.
BTW:
The man named Ben who I speak so glowingly in my post surgical post is in fact my younger brother.
He has been working with Dr Zurkowski for many years and is in fact one of his main surgical technicians and a very close friend to the good doctor. In fact suggested I meet with him when I came out to my brother many months ago.
My brother stopped by today to take the staples out of my incisions, all 37 of them, and make sure my incisions were healing correctly.
We’ve been joking around with each other for several decades and have long since buried any hatchets between us. He was casual in his speech to be because we’ve known each other all our lives.
The doctor of course drives all the procedures upon a patient but the entire surgical team is responsible for the patients’ health and well being while in their care.
I may have spent ten hours under anesthesia, but Ben stood by the doctor during those ten hours assisting him in ways, I really don’t want to know. The doctor and the rest of the surgical team held my life in their hands. If I didn’t trust them I wouldn’t have gone there.
As you may recall I was looking to these surgeries as the way to expose the woman within me. The Doctor was also my sculptor. This has come to pass.
For the first time today, I put on my makeup and wig and Julie and I went shopping. I could not take my eyes off my reflections that I saw in the stores. I am not so vain that I would ever call myself beautiful. But what I didn’t see for the very first time in my life was the GUY! Every reflection showed me a woman. A woman who has longed to be alive for all these many years. And now she is alive. And the guy markers that always seemed to pop through no matter how I would work on them were gone!
I am one happy woman!
-Sandy(Born at last!)
One last thing: For those dying to know I appear to be settling into a 40D. I have a couple of very happy girls!
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