Yesterday I was notified that I would be meeting with HR concerning my transition. The meeting is tomorrow.
I've been just shy of hyper-ventilating since I got the notice. The meeting will actually be with the FTM, and the diversity rep that I initially contacted, myself, and the HR person.
This is the starting gun. Up to this point everything I've been doing has been practice. Now I have to start really thinking about a *real* schedule of transition. And of course, there is no pressure of any sort. This is exclusively at my own pace. But still, once I get started, things will start moving in an irreversible way. Such as coming out to my manager, educating my co-workers, and dealing with the rumors.
This is what I've been striving for. This is what my whole life has been about! Why am I so nervous? Do I want to stop? NO WAY! Do I want to go back? (see previous answer, insert explicative) Then what is the bloody problem!?
Flop sweat. I was an actor at one time (I hope to return to the stage someday). Community theatre, but still theatre. Before I went on stage I would still feel that. I would worry that I would forget my lines, or stumble over the furniture, or somehow embarrass myself. There are plenty of ways to do that!
This isn't stagecraft for me, this is life. This is where I finally start 24/7 FOR REAL! And I am plagued by C.L.O.D. fears. "What are you doing!" "Are you NUTS" "You're going to do WHAT!?!?"
Ok let's take them in order, shall we?
"What are you doing!"
I about to start living my life the way I should have always lived it.
"Are you NUTS"
No. Actually probably the most sane thing I've done.
"You're going to do WHAT!?!?"
I said, I'm going to live as a woman starting on that new day, and going on for the rest of my life. My male name will be forgotten (as much as it can be) and when I die (hopefully a long time from now) my tombstone will say Sandra Louise. How much clearer can I make that?
Flop sweat, fear, jumping off a cliff into the unknown. Yes, all of those.
Would I have it any other way?
NOT!
-Sandy (my knees are still knocking, but don't stand between me and my transition!)
I've been just shy of hyper-ventilating since I got the notice. The meeting will actually be with the FTM, and the diversity rep that I initially contacted, myself, and the HR person.
This is the starting gun. Up to this point everything I've been doing has been practice. Now I have to start really thinking about a *real* schedule of transition. And of course, there is no pressure of any sort. This is exclusively at my own pace. But still, once I get started, things will start moving in an irreversible way. Such as coming out to my manager, educating my co-workers, and dealing with the rumors.
This is what I've been striving for. This is what my whole life has been about! Why am I so nervous? Do I want to stop? NO WAY! Do I want to go back? (see previous answer, insert explicative) Then what is the bloody problem!?
Flop sweat. I was an actor at one time (I hope to return to the stage someday). Community theatre, but still theatre. Before I went on stage I would still feel that. I would worry that I would forget my lines, or stumble over the furniture, or somehow embarrass myself. There are plenty of ways to do that!
This isn't stagecraft for me, this is life. This is where I finally start 24/7 FOR REAL! And I am plagued by C.L.O.D. fears. "What are you doing!" "Are you NUTS" "You're going to do WHAT!?!?"
Ok let's take them in order, shall we?
"What are you doing!"
I about to start living my life the way I should have always lived it.
"Are you NUTS"
No. Actually probably the most sane thing I've done.
"You're going to do WHAT!?!?"
I said, I'm going to live as a woman starting on that new day, and going on for the rest of my life. My male name will be forgotten (as much as it can be) and when I die (hopefully a long time from now) my tombstone will say Sandra Louise. How much clearer can I make that?
Flop sweat, fear, jumping off a cliff into the unknown. Yes, all of those.
Would I have it any other way?
NOT!
-Sandy (my knees are still knocking, but don't stand between me and my transition!)
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