Ah well, it had to happen sooner or later. I need to always be mindful of my delicate state. Knowing I am a woman and trying to maintain an image that looks feminine even though my body has had to endure the ravages of testosterone.
Most times it works. Most times…
Yesterday I had to stop at the stbew’s house and pick up a few things. Following that I before I hit the road back to my place, I decided to stop at the supermarket to pick up some groceries.
I was feeling really good about myself. I was wearing one of my new summer dresses that Julie helped pick out and I really liked the way I looked.
Having been out full time for over a month now and 24x7-40 before that since January, I have no real qualms about going anywhere public. Going to the grocery store is one of the first places I went when I started being out more and more.
It was still warm, early evening and still light when I entered the store. As soon as I entered the store I notice two older women standing by the checkout counters. For and instant I make eye contact with them. And that was all it took. Instantly I was clocked. One of them nudged the other and pointed at me. Then they started giggling. As I got my cart I had to walk by them. Not too close, but close enough to hear them chatter. As I passed them the giggling turned into outright laughter. “Hey honey, what are you doing here?” and “Look at him swish!”
I’m sure others heard them and looked to see what all the chatter was about. It took all my concentration to keep from running around the corner. I maintained my normal walk, but I did turn down the first aisle I passed.
My heart was racing and my adrenaline was flowing. The fight-or-flight syndrome was hitting me big time. I took my time and just walked as casually as I could down the aisle and across the back of the store. The front of the store wasn’t visible from the back of the store so I couldn’t see if those two magpies where still in the store. I had presumed that they were getting ready to leave since they were waiting at the cash registers.
I was still spooked. I was looking at just about everyone to see if they read me. Normally I don’t do that. Most men won’t make eye contact with a woman, and most women who make eye contact will acknowledge another woman with a smile.
I cruised the back of the store for about ten minutes before I got the courage up to go to the front. By then they were gone. After that I continued my shopping. But I was still a bit flustered and ended up forgetting a couple of items. When I checked out, I went to the regular check out and gave the lady my items and my discount card. She never even blinked when she looked at me and said “Thank you, ma’am” when she handed my card back. I needed that. I needed to have that little bit of confidence rebuilding to get my self esteem out of the bucket. I smiled at her and thanked her when she gave me my receipt. I started to feel more like the woman I am instead of a guy in a dress which is how those two managed to make me feel.
Maybe it was late, and maybe I was tired, and my walk was too masculine. Maybe I had my wig on backwards, in the end it doesn’t matter. I got read. It has happened before and it will happen again. Even after my FFS. Maybe not as often, but sooner or later, someone, somewhere will have the intuitive feeling that there is more to me than meets the eye.
Hopefully the next time it won’t be quite as humiliating an event as this last one. It was the most humiliating clocking I’ve ever had. I pray that the rest of them will not be as bad as that. I can only imagine if those magpies had been guys instead. It could have turned ugly, very ugly.
This is the life I have chosen. I did not choose to be transsexual, but I did choose to come out. And in that, I accept all the problems as well as the joys that go along with that. And the joys have far out weighed the problems. This is my life and I am enjoying the heck out of it now!
Ladies and Gentlemen of the trans community: be careful out there! Things can happen in an heartbeat that will ruin your whole day! Be very aware of your surroundings. Don’t take chances!
-Sandy (humbled but not broken)
Most times it works. Most times…
Yesterday I had to stop at the stbew’s house and pick up a few things. Following that I before I hit the road back to my place, I decided to stop at the supermarket to pick up some groceries.
I was feeling really good about myself. I was wearing one of my new summer dresses that Julie helped pick out and I really liked the way I looked.
Having been out full time for over a month now and 24x7-40 before that since January, I have no real qualms about going anywhere public. Going to the grocery store is one of the first places I went when I started being out more and more.
It was still warm, early evening and still light when I entered the store. As soon as I entered the store I notice two older women standing by the checkout counters. For and instant I make eye contact with them. And that was all it took. Instantly I was clocked. One of them nudged the other and pointed at me. Then they started giggling. As I got my cart I had to walk by them. Not too close, but close enough to hear them chatter. As I passed them the giggling turned into outright laughter. “Hey honey, what are you doing here?” and “Look at him swish!”
I’m sure others heard them and looked to see what all the chatter was about. It took all my concentration to keep from running around the corner. I maintained my normal walk, but I did turn down the first aisle I passed.
My heart was racing and my adrenaline was flowing. The fight-or-flight syndrome was hitting me big time. I took my time and just walked as casually as I could down the aisle and across the back of the store. The front of the store wasn’t visible from the back of the store so I couldn’t see if those two magpies where still in the store. I had presumed that they were getting ready to leave since they were waiting at the cash registers.
I was still spooked. I was looking at just about everyone to see if they read me. Normally I don’t do that. Most men won’t make eye contact with a woman, and most women who make eye contact will acknowledge another woman with a smile.
I cruised the back of the store for about ten minutes before I got the courage up to go to the front. By then they were gone. After that I continued my shopping. But I was still a bit flustered and ended up forgetting a couple of items. When I checked out, I went to the regular check out and gave the lady my items and my discount card. She never even blinked when she looked at me and said “Thank you, ma’am” when she handed my card back. I needed that. I needed to have that little bit of confidence rebuilding to get my self esteem out of the bucket. I smiled at her and thanked her when she gave me my receipt. I started to feel more like the woman I am instead of a guy in a dress which is how those two managed to make me feel.
Maybe it was late, and maybe I was tired, and my walk was too masculine. Maybe I had my wig on backwards, in the end it doesn’t matter. I got read. It has happened before and it will happen again. Even after my FFS. Maybe not as often, but sooner or later, someone, somewhere will have the intuitive feeling that there is more to me than meets the eye.
Hopefully the next time it won’t be quite as humiliating an event as this last one. It was the most humiliating clocking I’ve ever had. I pray that the rest of them will not be as bad as that. I can only imagine if those magpies had been guys instead. It could have turned ugly, very ugly.
This is the life I have chosen. I did not choose to be transsexual, but I did choose to come out. And in that, I accept all the problems as well as the joys that go along with that. And the joys have far out weighed the problems. This is my life and I am enjoying the heck out of it now!
Ladies and Gentlemen of the trans community: be careful out there! Things can happen in an heartbeat that will ruin your whole day! Be very aware of your surroundings. Don’t take chances!
-Sandy (humbled but not broken)
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