Friday was my court date for my name change. This is a major milestone in my life. Just about everything I've been trying to accomplish culminated on this day. My presentation as a woman in society is very important to me and having proper documentation makes me more "real" and lets me know that I am not "pretending". I've spent most of the time of my life as the background voice to the guy. I felt like an ethereal being. Not being truly alive because I didn't really exist.
This isn't psychosis we're talking here, folks, so don't get alarmed. But there was a persona that acted as a guy and that persona had the body. "I" rarely had the courage to go about in the world without the persona as my mask. Now he sleeps in my heart and I treasure his memory as a mother treasures her son.
So now that I no longer need or want the persona since I am now full time, "I" need to feel real. And that reality, to me, takes the form of documentation. Seeing my name and picture on my employee ID card for example makes me feel real. So having my name legally changed means a great deal to me. I know who I am, I just need to make sure that society knows that too.
I drove into work that day so that I could park at the office, then took a shuttle downtown. Carl, the FTM that came out the same time I did, wanted to go with me to court. He called saying he was running late and said he would meet me at the court. I told him what courtroom to meet me and he said he would be there.
I went to court in my best black business skirt suite. I don't really hold for people who show up to court in jeans. I also wanted to make sure that there was no question about what I wanted to do and why. And that I had respect for the judge and the sanctity of the court. That really makes a difference.
There were three other cases before me. I had no idea how long they would last. I could have taken hours. But in fact each case took less than five minutes. They were all industrial related and had something to do with archaic forms of law. I'm glad it went quickly because I was getting more nervous by the minute! Then the clerk called my case number and my lastname. I approached the bench with as much self assurance as I could muster, but I think my knees were knocking. I don't know why...
I stood before the judge and was sworn in by the clerk.
Then the judge said: "Please state your current name."
"Barry Louis (lastname), your honor."
"Please state the name you wish to be called by."
"Sandra Louise (lastname), your honor."
He looked over his glasses at me and said: "I assume that the purpose of this change is for sexual orientation?"
"Yes, your honor." I wasn't about to lecture a judge on the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. It wasn't relevant anyway.
"Are you changing your name to commit a felony or fraud?"
"No, your honor."
"Are you changing your name to evade creditors?"
"No, your honor."
"Has your name change notice been published?"
"Yes, your honor."
"Very well. I'll put todays date in the publication field here on the form."
"Thank you, your honor."
He filled in the forms and signed them and handed then to the clerk.
The only disappointing thing was that he didn't use a gavel to signal the end of the case. It would have been so symbolic to do that and have the era of (barry) end with that last gavel. Oh well. He signed the papers. More than that I cannot ask.
The clerk handed them to me and told me to go to room 802 for the certified copies.
As she handed them to me. My hands began to shake. The realization was starting to dawn on me. I had really done it! I had really changed my name! Kind of wobble kneed, I went back to Carl and we looked at the forms for a couple of minutes. I then told him I had to leave. I was starting to feel a little light headed and I wanted out of the room.
We left the courtroom and I sat on a bench outside the court. My hands were still shaking and I started to get weepy thinking about what I had done. A happy weepy, but still weepy.
Carl held me while I tried to get a hold of my feelings. He is such a gentleman. He always makes it a point to open doors for me. He makes me feel like a lady. I have to remember to put hankies in my purse! My mascara wasn't waterproof!
I am now and forevermore Sandra Louise (lastname).
I have to put together a list of places to change my name:
Drivers License (done)
Insurance (auto and life, done)
My Company (in process)
SSA (not yet)
My Bank (not yet)
My Credit Cards (not yet)
Various on-line accounts. (that is going to be tedious!)
Hop right in here if you can think of more I may have missed.
-Sandy (Fer REAL!)
This isn't psychosis we're talking here, folks, so don't get alarmed. But there was a persona that acted as a guy and that persona had the body. "I" rarely had the courage to go about in the world without the persona as my mask. Now he sleeps in my heart and I treasure his memory as a mother treasures her son.
So now that I no longer need or want the persona since I am now full time, "I" need to feel real. And that reality, to me, takes the form of documentation. Seeing my name and picture on my employee ID card for example makes me feel real. So having my name legally changed means a great deal to me. I know who I am, I just need to make sure that society knows that too.
I drove into work that day so that I could park at the office, then took a shuttle downtown. Carl, the FTM that came out the same time I did, wanted to go with me to court. He called saying he was running late and said he would meet me at the court. I told him what courtroom to meet me and he said he would be there.
I went to court in my best black business skirt suite. I don't really hold for people who show up to court in jeans. I also wanted to make sure that there was no question about what I wanted to do and why. And that I had respect for the judge and the sanctity of the court. That really makes a difference.
There were three other cases before me. I had no idea how long they would last. I could have taken hours. But in fact each case took less than five minutes. They were all industrial related and had something to do with archaic forms of law. I'm glad it went quickly because I was getting more nervous by the minute! Then the clerk called my case number and my lastname. I approached the bench with as much self assurance as I could muster, but I think my knees were knocking. I don't know why...
I stood before the judge and was sworn in by the clerk.
Then the judge said: "Please state your current name."
"Barry Louis (lastname), your honor."
"Please state the name you wish to be called by."
"Sandra Louise (lastname), your honor."
He looked over his glasses at me and said: "I assume that the purpose of this change is for sexual orientation?"
"Yes, your honor." I wasn't about to lecture a judge on the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. It wasn't relevant anyway.
"Are you changing your name to commit a felony or fraud?"
"No, your honor."
"Are you changing your name to evade creditors?"
"No, your honor."
"Has your name change notice been published?"
"Yes, your honor."
"Very well. I'll put todays date in the publication field here on the form."
"Thank you, your honor."
He filled in the forms and signed them and handed then to the clerk.
The only disappointing thing was that he didn't use a gavel to signal the end of the case. It would have been so symbolic to do that and have the era of (barry) end with that last gavel. Oh well. He signed the papers. More than that I cannot ask.
The clerk handed them to me and told me to go to room 802 for the certified copies.
As she handed them to me. My hands began to shake. The realization was starting to dawn on me. I had really done it! I had really changed my name! Kind of wobble kneed, I went back to Carl and we looked at the forms for a couple of minutes. I then told him I had to leave. I was starting to feel a little light headed and I wanted out of the room.
We left the courtroom and I sat on a bench outside the court. My hands were still shaking and I started to get weepy thinking about what I had done. A happy weepy, but still weepy.
Carl held me while I tried to get a hold of my feelings. He is such a gentleman. He always makes it a point to open doors for me. He makes me feel like a lady. I have to remember to put hankies in my purse! My mascara wasn't waterproof!
I am now and forevermore Sandra Louise (lastname).
I have to put together a list of places to change my name:
Drivers License (done)
Insurance (auto and life, done)
My Company (in process)
SSA (not yet)
My Bank (not yet)
My Credit Cards (not yet)
Various on-line accounts. (that is going to be tedious!)
Hop right in here if you can think of more I may have missed.
-Sandy (Fer REAL!)
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